Carpentry Gifts

The Contract & The Change Orders.

'Well, they were the low bidders.'

'David discards his measuring tape for the faster 'eyeballing' method of measuring.'

'Sorry Dad, but my true passion is for making furnitures, not dams...'

"Measure twice, cut once...and curse three times!"

'I do not change the building codes every week. I do it every other week.'

'The only way to survive these days is to diversify.'

"Well, they were the low bidders."

"No, lad, we aren't movers. We're just Shakers."

Dave took his motto, 'Roofing done in one hour' seriously, even nailing shingles before plywood had been put down.

'I'd like you to meet the saw, the hammer and, well, you know the drill.'

'So that's what it's for Ethel. It's somewhere to put their spirit level

Li'l Bill meets destiny.

New green building materials: Pseudo-plywood made from ground up avocado seeds mixed with tofu.

'It's OK, we're letting the lumber age.'

'MY husband made the coffee table out of an old door.'

'Your table will be ready shortly.'

This will be an environmentally sound house built entirely from trees that fell over naturally from old age.

Dave, determined to go green by using only solar powered tools, will hereafter check weather reports before making bids.

"Harry insisted on doing everything himself."

'Sander's a bit high isn't it?'

A contractor preparing an bid estimate is surrounded by stacks of cost books, but is flipping a coin to make his decisions.

'Job done son, a few corners slightly out of true but the customer will never notice.'

'Uh oh. I measured the drywall in feet, but you measured it in metric.'

'Of course, like everything for kids, some assembly is required.'

'Any more change orders from you, and you'll get to declare me as a dependent on your income taxes.'

'I wonder how many board feet are in this tree.'

"Pity that 'on' button's a bit of a stretch."

'I need a hive with 50,000 bedrooms.'

'Uh oh, I measured the lumber in feet, but you measured it in metric.'

'No, I said 'orse. Big wooden 'orse!'

'Sure, I keep my files in the file cabinet. Where else would you keep them?'

'I suppose you want Polly to forget she heard that.'

'Maybe I shouldn't have brought the termites,'

'Yellow pine? No, I want to panel my den in purple pine.'