Carpentry Gifts

The Contract & The Change Orders.

'Well, they were the low bidders.'

'David discards his measuring tape for the faster 'eyeballing' method of measuring.'

'Sorry Dad, but my true passion is for making furnitures, not dams...'

'Don't tell me how to work safely! I've been at this job for over five years!'

"Measure twice, cut once...and curse three times!"

'I do not change the building codes every week. I do it every other week.'

'The only way to survive these days is to diversify.'

"Don't tell me how to work safely! I've been at this job for five years!"

"No, lad, we aren't movers. We're just Shakers."

'I'd like you to meet the saw, the hammer and, well, you know the drill.'

"Well, they were the low bidders."

Dave took his motto, 'Roofing done in one hour' seriously, even nailing shingles before plywood had been put down.

'MY husband made the coffee table out of an old door.'

'It's OK, we're letting the lumber age.'

Li'l Bill meets destiny.

New green building materials: Pseudo-plywood made from ground up avocado seeds mixed with tofu.

'So that's what it's for Ethel. It's somewhere to put their spirit level

This will be an environmentally sound house built entirely from trees that fell over naturally from old age.

'Your table will be ready shortly.'

Dave, determined to go green by using only solar powered tools, will hereafter check weather reports before making bids.

'Sander's a bit high isn't it?'

"Harry insisted on doing everything himself."

'Uh oh. I measured the drywall in feet, but you measured it in metric.'

'Of course, like everything for kids, some assembly is required.'

'Job done son, a few corners slightly out of true but the customer will never notice.'

A contractor preparing an bid estimate is surrounded by stacks of cost books, but is flipping a coin to make his decisions.

'Any more change orders from you, and you'll get to declare me as a dependent on your income taxes.'

"Pity that 'on' button's a bit of a stretch."

'I need a hive with 50,000 bedrooms.'

'I wonder how many board feet are in this tree.'

'Uh oh, I measured the lumber in feet, but you measured it in metric.'

'Okay, Noah...I'm going to tell you again. Listen very carefully this time.'

'Give me the saw Stanley, I'm calling a professional.'

'Yellow pine? No, I want to panel my den in purple pine.'