Carpentry Connoisseur Gifts

Thor's Other Tools

Jack of all trades

Instructional guide to scribbling

"Measure twice, cut once...and curse three times!"

This will be an environmentally sound house built entirely from trees that fell over naturally from old age.

"We're having one heck of a time building that trapezoidal thing of yours..."

Schubert's Unfinished Basement

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

Don't let the woodcutters get too close or they'll make a fuel out of you!

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

'I don't know what he gets up to in there, but it keeps him busy.' (Noises are recorded, man reads paper, has beer.)

'MY husband made the coffee table out of an old door.'

'I suppose you want Polly to forget she heard that.'

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

'Where do I put the batteries?'

Li'l Bill meets destiny.

D.I.Y

"So, how did the audition go?" "Great! I really nailed it."

"1. Flimsig used pallets, old foam 2. Stinkum goat wool 3. Beetup recycled lumber 4. Riskig kerosene lamp 5. Stupor hand blown by Nils 6. Smokum found on beach in Mendocino 7. Woblig 100% driftwood"

Origami horse leaping out of a book about origami

Guide to Carpentry Fish

'Henderson always walks away with the neighborhood pumpkin carving contest.'

Once again overbudget and past dealine, the predatory boa constractor adroitly squeezes the life from its victim's wallet.

Hammer and chisel discussing what they've been doing, chisel says; 'Oh you know, getting into a few scrapes.'

Whittler's Mother.

'The upside is that if the water gets high enough all your termites might drown.'

Posh Easter Egg

Dave cut costs and now realizes that in order to pass inspection, he may have to arrange a marriage between his daughter and the building inspector's son.

'My building inspector just doesn't understand me.'

'Now there's a real pro! He can even nail while power napping.'

This Halloween, use props to create a unique jack-o-lanern. Fitness buffs might like a jumping jack. Or you could carve a lumberjack. In colder climates, Jack Frost might be a nice choice. And for something functional, build a jack!

'I need a hive with 50,000 bedrooms.'

'Okay, Noah...I'm going to tell you again. Listen very carefully this time.'

File Cabinets for Perfectionists

You're right, it's the house next door that gets the new window.