Carving Connoisseur Gifts

'Henderson always walks away with the neighborhood pumpkin carving contest.'

"Actually, it's just Jack Lantern, there's no Irish in my family."

This Halloween, use props to create a unique jack-o-lanern. Fitness buffs might like a jumping jack. Or you could carve a lumberjack. In colder climates, Jack Frost might be a nice choice. And for something functional, build a jack!

'Stop gritting your teeth!'

Tree and man

Instructional guide to scribbling

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

Origami horse leaping out of a book about origami

"1. Flimsig used pallets, old foam 2. Stinkum goat wool 3. Beetup recycled lumber 4. Riskig kerosene lamp 5. Stupor hand blown by Nils 6. Smokum found on beach in Mendocino 7. Woblig 100% driftwood"

"I'll give you $5 for that shirt."

'The grammar's awful and the spelling's atrocious - otherwise it's an impressive CV.'

Whittler's Mother.

"She's a natural!"

Posh Easter Egg

Vincent Van Goat.

Octopus Puppet Show (colour)

101 uses of a dead cat: pincushion

Daniel Day Lewis & George Glasgow

"It was a botched surgery."

About the potter.

Whittlers Mother

Thor's Other Tools

"In this piece, the price clearly does not reflect what the artist is trying to say."

"It's a 'selfie.'"

Stu just wanted to participate in the outdoor art class. . . alone. . . but Bob went ahead and invited himself anyway. . .

Before Art School. During Art School. After Art School

"I don't pretend to be great. I merely know myself to be very, very good."

'Sander's a bit high isn't it?'

'Honey, I think you overdid the plastic canvas decorations in the bathroom.'

"But is it..?"

Artist painting a dancer.

The Copywriter's Dilemma

"We think it had something to do with love."

'No I don't have scissors you can borrow.'