Carpenter Pillows

"Larry made that chair from a pile of sticks."

The Contract & The Change Orders.

'Well, they were the low bidders.'

'Are you ready for me to read the instructions yet?'

Extra parts to confuse people.

'David discards his measuring tape for the faster 'eyeballing' method of measuring.'

'Sorry Dad, but my true passion is for making furnitures, not dams...'

"Measure twice, cut once...and curse three times!"

'I do not change the building codes every week. I do it every other week.'

'I found the termites!'

'The only way to survive these days is to diversify.'

Man next to trees selling Unfinished Furniture.

Hammer Drill

DIY horror.

'I'd like you to meet the saw, the hammer and, well, you know the drill.'

"Well, they were the low bidders."

"No, lad, we aren't movers. We're just Shakers."

'Mary, I believe in historic preservation, too, but ... '

Dave took his motto, 'Roofing done in one hour' seriously, even nailing shingles before plywood had been put down.

'...Or does it go 'measure twice and cut once'?'

"I haven't a clue what it does, but I don't know how I managed without it."

Man must make unfinished furniture from tree limb.

New green building materials: Pseudo-plywood made from ground up avocado seeds mixed with tofu.

Li'l Bill meets destiny.

'I think this is deep enough for the foundations!'

'It's OK, we're letting the lumber age.'

'MY husband made the coffee table out of an old door.'

Dave, determined to go green by using only solar powered tools, will hereafter check weather reports before making bids.

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

'Of course, some assembly is required. That's why my bid was so low.'

Fearing insurance rate increases if he had another accident claim, Dave tries a new harness system.

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

"Looks like you've got carpenter ants."

"Remember, measure twice, cut once, stand baffled, string together obscenities."

'Your table will be ready shortly.'