Carol Chortler Pillows

"Deep and crisp and even...just how I like my pizzas!"

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

Non-Denominational Carols

'Ho,ho,ho, but can you be more specific?'

"I know it's not an ideal situation, Samantha, but how else are we going to afford a 160 gigabyte laptop, a top of the range mobile and a Playstation 3 for the kids presents?"

"At least we're consistent ... "

Festive squad

"Sorry, I can't - I have to be everywhere."

The Eighth Day of Christmas

Choirboy

Quick Confessional Box - 8 sins or less.

'Because I CAN'T follow my dreams, dummy!'

"O Holy night - Aye! The stars are brightly shining - YUH!"

Theatrical Christmas.

'Frankly, I think his caroling was better before he launched a solo career.'

'I heard it was because of a broken charger.'

'You call that carol singing?'

"Your Honor, all this pretrial publicity has made my client look fat."

Christmas choir

A band rendition of Silent Night.

"I'm afraid I can't do anything unless you have a receipt."

Congregation

Cut out and keep your own Angel.

'Why not put it in position first then fill it with water?'

"Read my lips!"

"And a parsley in a pear treeeee."

Christmas songs

'May we sing you a few carols?'

'My client pleads not guilty, Your Honor, on the grounds that it's so hard to find decent role models these days.'

Musical Christmas Tree

"Don't be alarmed! The Doctor's chiropractor recommended he work like this!"