Confession Chortler Pillows

Quick Confessional Box - 8 sins or less.

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

'Ho,ho,ho, but can you be more specific?'

Tell me about it--last night I ate a whole sleeve of Communion wafers.

"At least we're consistent ... "

'I committed the sin of pride. I've been gloating over how our church baseball team waxed yours.'

"Sorry, I can't - I have to be everywhere."

"What do you mean the message wasn't directed at me, the Pastor said my full name three times!"

"Forgive me Father, I'm about to sin."

"...And I cheated at solitaire...twice."

"Say-y-y, this stuff could be made into a terrific mini-series."

"Father Fondell. . . your confessional is ready."

"Your Honor, all this pretrial publicity has made my client look fat."

'I heard it was because of a broken charger.'

'Everything is confidential. We don't need to do scout's honor.'

"As you can see this is pretty embarrassing so I'd appreciate keeping it between you, me and this fence post."

'Admit it, Crawford, this fish was already dead when you caught it!'

'I'm confused. Is this a romance novel or a confession about how much you like boxes and warm places to nap?'

"Read my lips!"

'Why not put it in position first then fill it with water?'

Clergyman and Working Girl

'Good to see you in church on Sunday.' -'So that's where I was.'

"Awesome! I hope you don't mind me re-tweeting this sicko stuff."

"Don't be alarmed! The Doctor's chiropractor recommended he work like this!"

Maternity Ward Public Opening

"I thought you must of been drunk last night, when you told everyone your real age."

"I secretly put decaf in my office coffeemaker so all of my coworkers work at my speed.'

You'll have to rewrite this. I can't read your hen scratching!

"I'm sorry, but more than that I just can't say."

'Idiot.'

'Padre, if I told you, then I would have to kill you.'