Cheeky Chortler Pillows

He dropped twenty quid! You helping him look for it? Nah. I'm standing on it.

Slut Magazine inbox and outboxes.

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

'Ho,ho,ho, but can you be more specific?'

"At least we're consistent ... "

'I don't think my homework is very good. My dog refused to eat it.'

'Don't write on that wall with crayons! It'll show up better on that wall over there.'

Sticking out tongue

"Sorry, I can't - I have to be everywhere."

Hen Night

'The arrows were more practical,,,,but I found these have a higher success rate,'

Quick Confessional Box - 8 sins or less.

Having noticed a hot-looking security woman, Mort quickly penned a note and stuck it in his briefcase.

"Your dump or mine..?"

Footballer scores for the first time and wears T-Shirt reading: 'No longer a virgin.'

'I promised my Dad I'd be home by ten but I didn't say if that was P.M. or A.M..'

'Big Issue!'

'I would appreciate it if you don't call out in class.'

"For last meal, I'm thinking unlimited breadsticks, endless shrimp and bottomless coffee."

"Oh, baby, hot caramel? You're going to dip me in hot caramel? I'll be right over."

How's your mood this week, Al? I'm happy as a clam, doctor. Great. Let me ask you something: The last time you saw a clam, how happy did he appear to be?

"How about after nightime meds you come to my room for some Netflix and chill."

'Just think of it as graphic design, Mom.'

"Read my lips!"

'Why not put it in position first then fill it with water?'

Fisherman buying fish on the way home...!

'Look what I found, Dad - Can I keep her?'

Maternity Ward Public Opening

You'll have to rewrite this. I can't read your hen scratching!

Clean Fill Wanted

"He's offered to show me the breast stroke - tonight in his water bed!"

"Yes Mildred, I'm washing the dishes now."