Cartoon Chortler Pillows

'Why not put it in position first then fill it with water?'

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

"Don’t worry, this guy is totally cool. Just don’t mention the Red Baron."

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

'Ho,ho,ho, but can you be more specific?'

"At least we're consistent ... "

'I'm sorry Timmy, but if I keep going for help, you'll never learn to take care of yourself,'

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

How was I supposed to know she was under age?

'Fancy a swift half?'

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

"Sorry, I can't - I have to be everywhere."

'Ain't no lonelier life than being a free-range chicken boy.'

"Here's the problem. Your computer isn't obsolete, you are."

'The hair plugs are that noticeable, huh?'

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

Quick Confessional Box - 8 sins or less.

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

'I think cowboys are just plain lazy: Why else would you have to carry them all the time?'

"Your Honor, all this pretrial publicity has made my client look fat."

'I heard it was because of a broken charger.'

Financing Nemo

"Pandemic! That's a pretty name."

"Mom, are we vegetarians for ethical or religious reasons?"

"Read my lips!"

'My client pleads not guilty, Your Honor, on the grounds that it's so hard to find decent role models these days.'

'Get with it, buddy -- that mile of highway you adopted has snow all over it!'

"Don't be alarmed! The Doctor's chiropractor recommended he work like this!"

Maternity Ward Public Opening

'Bless you!'

You'll have to rewrite this. I can't read your hen scratching!

J-J-JOE'S B-B-BAR, 'Actually, Joe's done pretty well for a guy with a speech impediment.'

Art Is A Snap When You Know How To Spell

"I just talked to Grunzman on the phone when he called in sick...I fear he really has got something very, very highly contagious!"