Cartoon Chortler Gifts

'Why not put it in position first then fill it with water?'

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"Don’t worry, this guy is totally cool. Just don’t mention the Red Baron."

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

'Ho,ho,ho, but can you be more specific?'

"At least we're consistent ... "

'I'm sorry Timmy, but if I keep going for help, you'll never learn to take care of yourself,'

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

How was I supposed to know she was under age?

'Fancy a swift half?'

"Sorry, I can't - I have to be everywhere."

'Ain't no lonelier life than being a free-range chicken boy.'

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

"Here's the problem. Your computer isn't obsolete, you are."

'The hair plugs are that noticeable, huh?'

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

'I think cowboys are just plain lazy: Why else would you have to carry them all the time?'

Quick Confessional Box - 8 sins or less.

"Your Honor, all this pretrial publicity has made my client look fat."

Financing Nemo

'I heard it was because of a broken charger.'

'Get with it, buddy -- that mile of highway you adopted has snow all over it!'

"Mom, are we vegetarians for ethical or religious reasons?"

How's your mood this week, Al? I'm happy as a clam, doctor. Great. Let me ask you something: The last time you saw a clam, how happy did he appear to be?

"Pandemic! That's a pretty name."

'My client pleads not guilty, Your Honor, on the grounds that it's so hard to find decent role models these days.'

"Read my lips!"

"Don't be alarmed! The Doctor's chiropractor recommended he work like this!"

Maternity Ward Public Opening

'Bless you!'

You'll have to rewrite this. I can't read your hen scratching!

J-J-JOE'S B-B-BAR, 'Actually, Joe's done pretty well for a guy with a speech impediment.'

Art Is A Snap When You Know How To Spell