Chicken Chortler Gifts

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'Until we had our own chickens, we just felt like tacit supporters of the whole Military-Poultry-Complex thing.'

You'll have to rewrite this. I can't read your hen scratching!

"The farmer has increased my duties: I now need to cock-a-doodle-doo at sunrise, morning tea, lunchtime, afternoon tea, dinner and sunset..."

"Read my lips!"

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

'Ho,ho,ho, but can you be more specific?'

'By golly, I think we've got ourselves a prodigy!'

"At least we're consistent ... "

"Lighten up! Your charts aren't that bad."

"You look ridiculous Ed. Why can't you just accept you're going bald and ditch the wig?"

"I've had 720 children. I hope they're all doing well."

"Sorry, I can't - I have to be everywhere."

"Running of the the chickens!? This is crazy! Dad, no one celebrates Hispanic Heritage Month like this!"

Chicken Coupe.

'They are poached eggs, sir -- we grabbed them when the chicken wasn't looking!'

'I never knew there was a common ancestor of man and chicken.'

'Do you sell eggs? . . . I forgot to say that I have middle class guilt. . .'

Houdini re-incarnated.

Quick Confessional Box - 8 sins or less.

"But before you even think about going under the knife, I'd like to recommend a good pluck and cook man."

Chicken singing romantic songs

"Your Honor, all this pretrial publicity has made my client look fat."

'I heard it was because of a broken charger.'

'Our Dr. Brooks is developing a chicken that not only lays larger eggs, but toast and hash browns to go with them.'

A doctor without borders meets a free range chicken.

this place got five stars for its fresh food

'That's all right, dear -- I'll just pick something up on the way to work.'

"I bit someone once. It tasted like chicken."

How's your mood this week, Al? I'm happy as a clam, doctor. Great. Let me ask you something: The last time you saw a clam, how happy did he appear to be?

'Why not put it in position first then fill it with water?'

'Are you blind, Ref, it's a fowl!'

"And don't get me started about being henpecked. Why do you think I crossed the road in the first place?!"

"Don't be alarmed! The Doctor's chiropractor recommended he work like this!"