Chart Chortler Gifts

'Ho,ho,ho, but can you be more specific?'

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

"At least we're consistent ... "

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

Sales chart is buildings in background.

'Great news this quarter! Losses are up in smoke, profits are high, and we're seeing lots of green!'

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is, none of us will be alive then.'

"As you can see, sales have been a little erratic lately..."

ACME Balloon Company.

"Note the spike here, when the state legalized marijuana."

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

"Now this chart should clear up any confusion you have with the report."

A guide to seasons in the North East

"I never dreamed I'd ever enjoy watching my figure this much."

'Perkins, you really know to suck the joy out of a 3rd quarter report.'

"Thank you, Harris - I get the picture."

'And right here they merged...'

"Just how long has there been a maraschino cherry at the top of the organizational chart?"

Greatest hits, Greatest Misses.

"Oh, I can't complain"

'This is why we can't have nice things... '

Sales Chart: Boomerangs LTD

"Lighten up! Your charts aren't that bad."

Dragon Graph

"We've met our target on a 25% uplift in sales but that still leaves us 100% bankrupt."

'And you'll be pleased to notice, sir, that we had to eliminate the top of the chart.'

'Our fund lost millions, but the good news is our management fees are not based on performance.'

"This is where things started getting really weird."

'86.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

"We could try 'gravity' as an excuse."

'One thing is certain. It's not just a seasonal slump.'