Carol Chortler Gifts

"Deep and crisp and even...just how I like my pizzas!"

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

Non-Denominational Carols

'Ho,ho,ho, but can you be more specific?'

"I know it's not an ideal situation, Samantha, but how else are we going to afford a 160 gigabyte laptop, a top of the range mobile and a Playstation 3 for the kids presents?"

"At least we're consistent ... "

Festive squad

The Eighth Day of Christmas

"Sorry, I can't - I have to be everywhere."

Theatrical Christmas.

Quick Confessional Box - 8 sins or less.

"O Holy night - Aye! The stars are brightly shining - YUH!"

'Because I CAN'T follow my dreams, dummy!'

Choirboy

'Frankly, I think his caroling was better before he launched a solo career.'

'I heard it was because of a broken charger.'

'You call that carol singing?'

The Mime and Tabernacle Choir Singing Silent Night.

Christmas choir

"Your Honor, all this pretrial publicity has made my client look fat."

'You better watch out, you better not cry, we're here to abduct some earthlings that's why, aliens are coming to town.'

A band rendition of Silent Night.

"I'm afraid I can't do anything unless you have a receipt."

'My client pleads not guilty, Your Honor, on the grounds that it's so hard to find decent role models these days.'

Congregation

"And a parsley in a pear treeeee."

Christmas songs

How's your mood this week, Al? I'm happy as a clam, doctor. Great. Let me ask you something: The last time you saw a clam, how happy did he appear to be?

'Why not put it in position first then fill it with water?'

'May we sing you a few carols?'

"Read my lips!"

Cut out and keep your own Angel.

Musical Christmas Tree