Charger Chortler Pillows

'I heard it was because of a broken charger.'

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

'Ho,ho,ho, but can you be more specific?'

Pie Charts, Inc.

"At least we're consistent ... "

'Fancy a swift half?'

How was I supposed to know she was under age?

"Sorry, I can't - I have to be everywhere."

"...as the devices were nestled on their chargers with care,..."

"Right - that's my laptop, my laptop charger...my kindle, my kindle charger....my iphone, my iphone charger...my ipad, my ipad charger...all my spare batteries and spare chargers...hmmm, I don't seem to have any room for my clothes..."

Quick Confessional Box - 8 sins or less.

I got you a 20th anniversary present. An iPhone charger? An actual, real gift? What's the catch? House of Java Cybercafe. No catch. For the last 20 years, you've been the best whipping boy I've ever had. You're a complete tool of the technology industry. You've been a real pleasure to mock. In fact, the last 20 years of making fun of your pathetic life has made this two rewarding decades. Plug back in, whipping boy! I will outlast you, smelly old bat!

"Your Honor, all this pretrial publicity has made my client look fat."

Must you always be so negative?

How's your mood this week, Al? I'm happy as a clam, doctor. Great. Let me ask you something: The last time you saw a clam, how happy did he appear to be?

'Why not put it in position first then fill it with water?'

"Read my lips!"

'My client pleads not guilty, Your Honor, on the grounds that it's so hard to find decent role models these days.'

"Don't be alarmed! The Doctor's chiropractor recommended he work like this!"

Maternity Ward Public Opening

You'll have to rewrite this. I can't read your hen scratching!

'They've been hitting the blocking sled three times as hard since I put up that bust of that nut-job business teacher, Mrs. Sisk.'

"Damn it—I think I just butt-donated to a charity."

'It might help with our friends in the media if you hang that upside down.'

What your acoustic guitar says about you

"The farmer has increased my duties: I now need to cock-a-doodle-doo at sunrise, morning tea, lunchtime, afternoon tea, dinner and sunset..."

"Sad, isn't it? And he won't admit he has a problem."

"Deep and crisp and even...just how I like my pizzas!"

Slut Magazine inbox and outboxes.

'Until we had our own chickens, we just felt like tacit supporters of the whole Military-Poultry-Complex thing.'

Cull manufacturers who don't standardise electrical chargers.

'I don't think I am the worst caddy in the world... That would be just too much of a coincidence!'

'I gave at the office.'