Career Transformer Gifts

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'

'There HAS to more to life than this!!'

'Today is the tomorrow I feared yesterday. . .'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

"I've given up on the novel. There's more money in writing inspirational memes."

The stages of gentrification: a guide

"My wife has always encouraged me... ...to quit this stupid dream and get a real job." ... "You have a wife?"

"I'd like to change my major from dental to mental."

'Dude, touring with a punk rock band was fun, but what I'd really like to do is be CEO of a fortune 500 company.'

'Hunting and gathering doesn't sound very interesting, so I have decided to become a consultant.'

Planned service changes

"I see you have a lot of experience in re-tail. . ."

I'm stepping out to look for a better job...

"I'm interested in working with animals and deliveries."

"Screw this—I'm going to work for the tabloids."

'What do you mean you're the new Paediatric Specialist?'

'Then after the pan our third album, we split for musical differences..'

A new career for George W. Bush: taster in a pretzel factory.

"I was doing well in school and planning to be a computer programmer - but somewhere along the way I must have taken a wrong turn."

SNAKE CHARMER: snake reads 'help wanted' ad.

'Our goal is for you to successfully transition to your new job before retirement age.'

"Originally I wanted to be a stockbroker but found I fainted at the sight of money.''

"You're kidding! I used to be an economist myself!"

'Right, I hope that gives you an idea of what the work is about, any questions?'

Laid off from a dot-com? Ask about our resume-writing software.

"I've been promoted from barbarian pillager to management. Do you know how to tie a neck tie?"

'And your class story is an old, old one. In the middle of successful soul-snatching careers you were suddenly bitten by the lawyering bug...'

'I'm excited about my new job. I know I have some small shoes to fill.'

'We need someone bright, someone quick to take notice.'

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

"I've worked as a wet-nurse for ten years, but I'm after something new now..."

"Any experience?"

'I used to be an accountant but I found it too depressing.'

"I take it you're not heartbroken to be leaving the firm!"

'Your resume says you have a B.A. in medieval history, a M.A. in modern art, and a PhD in metaphysical poetry. Have you checked us out on the internet? We design and manufacture detonation switches for drones.'