Career Reshaper Gifts

'I've just become self-unemployed.'

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'I believe in a 'carrot and stick' approach to motivation. The carrot is not to use the stick.'

"I've given up on the novel. There's more money in writing inspirational memes."

Caged Businessman

"I'd like to change my major from dental to mental."

"My wife has always encouraged me... ...to quit this stupid dream and get a real job." ... "You have a wife?"

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

'Hunting and gathering doesn't sound very interesting, so I have decided to become a consultant.'

'Cat job interviews.'

'I have serious doubts about the efficiency of that new 'apples and bucket' hiring test.'

Planned service changes

I'm stepping out to look for a better job...

"I'm interested in working with animals and deliveries."

'Then after the pan our third album, we split for musical differences..'

'What do you mean you're the new Paediatric Specialist?'

A new career for George W. Bush: taster in a pretzel factory.

"Oh yes, we expect to replace you very soon. After all, the qualifications for the job aren't much."

"I was doing well in school and planning to be a computer programmer - but somewhere along the way I must have taken a wrong turn."

"How do you feel about working a four-day week?"

"Screw this—I'm going to work for the tabloids."

SNAKE CHARMER: snake reads 'help wanted' ad.

"Yes, I can use tools, but I realized early on I could earn more money as an accountant..."

"You're kidding! I used to be an economist myself!"

"Originally I wanted to be a stockbroker but found I fainted at the sight of money.''

'Right, I hope that gives you an idea of what the work is about, any questions?'

'We need someone bright, someone quick to take notice.'

"I've been promoted from barbarian pillager to management. Do you know how to tie a neck tie?"

Laid off from a dot-com? Ask about our resume-writing software.

'And your class story is an old, old one. In the middle of successful soul-snatching careers you were suddenly bitten by the lawyering bug...'

'He was a barman before he got into the demolition game.'

"I've worked as a wet-nurse for ten years, but I'm after something new now..."