Career Transformation Lovers Gifts

"I've been re-skilled, Jim Lad."

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

"I've given up on the novel. There's more money in writing inspirational memes."

"I'd like to change my major from dental to mental."

"My wife has always encouraged me... ...to quit this stupid dream and get a real job." ... "You have a wife?"

"Hey, just wanted to say bye again, guys, I'm off to join the circus."

'Dude, touring with a punk rock band was fun, but what I'd really like to do is be CEO of a fortune 500 company.'

'Hunting and gathering doesn't sound very interesting, so I have decided to become a consultant.'

"I'm interested in working with animals and deliveries."

I'm stepping out to look for a better job...

Planned service changes

A new career for George W. Bush: taster in a pretzel factory.

"What other skills do you obtain other than being able to answer interview questions?"

"I was doing well in school and planning to be a computer programmer - but somewhere along the way I must have taken a wrong turn."

"Screw this—I'm going to work for the tabloids."

"Originally I wanted to be a stockbroker but found I fainted at the sight of money.''

"You're kidding! I used to be an economist myself!"

'Right, I hope that gives you an idea of what the work is about, any questions?'

'Our goal is for you to successfully transition to your new job before retirement age.'

Do you mind if my mother joins our little business dinner ? You know what it's like, I don't want people from the office to think I'm sleeping my way to the top.

'Is that the extent of your work experience, court ordered community service?'

'And your class story is an old, old one. In the middle of successful soul-snatching careers you were suddenly bitten by the lawyering bug...'

"I've been promoted from barbarian pillager to management. Do you know how to tie a neck tie?"

'We need someone bright, someone quick to take notice.'

Laid off from a dot-com? Ask about our resume-writing software.

'I'm excited about my new job. I know I have some small shoes to fill.'

'I used to be an accountant but I found it too depressing.'

"I take it you're not heartbroken to be leaving the firm!"

"I can see from your résumé that you're a man."

"I'm trying to find a way to balance your strengths against your felonies."

'When are you going to give up this 9 to 5 nonsense and become a rock star like your brother?'