Career Criminal Gifts

'Oh, that's very nice - as soon as I go out to work - you go through my pockets!'

Nelson Mandela in despair over the crime rates in SA.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Cole is busy balancing family and career. Can I take a message and have her call you back?"

'What's wrong with our new shed? Nothing - I'm sat out here guarding it.'

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

Mayhem, Inc. Part 29

'What's wrong with those Europeans? We have more murders in this city than England, France Germany and Spain combined.'

"I want to make it before I hit thirty."

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"Has anyone mentioned that you're management now, …… You don't get overtime."

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

Caged Businessman

'Who was the murderer? Well Watson, that's the killer question.'

STRIP Hambone: Computer company job interview

'Make up your mind, pal - there are plenty of other fish who'd give their gills for this job.'

Violent Crime Statistics

'Don't worry boss, it's probably archaic!'

'I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go, Richter. The crime rate has dropped.'

Good Cop, Annoying Kid.

Mort Park! You mean Killer. You're sprung, Killer. I'm free to go? Unless you're so tough now you'd rather stay. I mean a guy named Killer probably likes jail. Mail me my blanky.

'Sure, we pay them for protection but there are unexpected bonuses: nobody can tenderise veel like Luigi or slice beef as fine as Vinny.'

"This one's called 'Incarceration.'"

Old West Bounty Hunter.

'That will be 100 hours of community service in some other community.'

911: Would You Like Us To Commit a Crime?

"Paper or plastic?"

Our cover is francophile liberals

"When I grow up I'm going to be a police officer and follow in my dad's footsteps."

'It wasn't a hate crime, Your Honor — I actually kind of liked the guy.'

"Now don't do anything flashy with the money, like pay off all your student loans at once."

'We want more police on our streets!' 'WHAT?! Do you have any idea how dangerous it is out there?'

"Cops don't get me. Sure, they got me – but they'll ever get me."

"Brutus! Attack with reasonable force!"

Police Lineup Escape