Career Comic Gifts

'I can assure you, sir, your are one applicant I will be remembering at selection time.'

'How long have you been with us now, Jeffrey?'

"Any talents besides tasting good?"

"It breaks my heart to see you stressed out here at work, so you're fired."

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

"Hope you weren't planning on leaving early."

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

'It could have been worse...she might have chosen banking.'

'You say you're willing to start at the bottom...'

"So, Mr Canary, I see you have experience as a mine safety specialist..."

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

'Natalie, would you please bring me the buzzword du jour?'

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

"If I had known this was such a great place to work I would have lied more on my resume."

"I think I see a miscreant in the carpark. There's no time to call the police I must deal with it myself."

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

"What do I do - I'm a mouse pilot, like everybody else."

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

"Where do you see yourself getting drunk in five years?"

'Look at it this way ... one bad job can can give you all the experience you'll ever need.'

'Next time you want to cheat and use someone else's resume, I suggest you do more than scratch out his name and put yours above it.'

"I didn't bring a resume. I brought coffee and donuts."

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

"Actually, I worked my way up from 'ideas'."

Office zombie.

Office Politics Superstore.

"You're 30 now. Where do you see yourself in five years?" "Thirty five."

'Don't be alarmed - I'm a proctologist.'

Where do you see yourself in five years? 35.

"Your resume looks good, but I'm not seeing any DNA data."

"The pay will be commensurate with your ability to pull the wool over my eyes."