Career Assessment Gifts

'Ready for your performance review?'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

37 years in the same position.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Cole is busy balancing family and career. Can I take a message and have her call you back?"

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

Doris K. Elston: Brain Surgeon, Professional Model, Artist, Lawyer....Plus Mother of Four.

"Pay more attention to me? I'm sorry, dear, but Mommy needs you to be more specific."

'Go right in -- he's expecting you.'

"Dave, could you hold on a sec while I take care of some personal business?"

I've been working 20 hours a day. Well, that leaves you four hours to get to work.

"And finally, I’d like to thank all those people I stepped on and used to get here. I couldn’t have done it without your submissive insecurity and relentless resignation."

"Sure, I'm a successful working bee, but sometimes, I wish I could have a family..."

"In addition to 'loyalty' are there any OTHER qualities you think you could bring to the job?"

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

'Sorry, I can't give you a raise. However, I can offer you a splendid opportunity to share the profits.'

'I'm looking for a workaholic who feels the great job he does is compensation enough.'

"....how many kids have we got now?"

''A desk job.' That's what they called it at the interview.' 'Same here.' 'SHH!'

"We're all in the same boat, except it's more like a life raft than an actual boat."

"Why, if it isn't Henshaw caught in the Overtime Warp again."

'Remember, my door is always open Higgins, just be careful of the trap door.'

If you really need permanent staff for IMMEDIATE cover then we could pull out all the stops and get someone by next October.

Working 9 to 5.

"You don't mind the psychometric test, do you?"

"Can you hurry up with the cake? I have to travel the world, have a career and start a family"

'This is the last time we post job openings,'

'I became successful when my dreams changed from the Cary Grants of the world to federal grants.'

'I suppose they call it the rat race because only rats ever seem to win.'

'Money is a bit tight at the moment, so instead of cash we wondered whether you'd settle for 20% more meaningless protestations of how much we value you?'

Career Analyst "Well I've looked at your file and yes, your job is rubbish"

'Little has changed since you called saying you had to work overtime. Except John Wayne died. Oh, and there's a new thing called the 'Internet'.'

Presenter Auditions.

"I never had to choose between a baby and a career—I'm a surrogate mother."