Cardiovascular Health Gifts

'I love your cardiovascular system!'

Stationary Bike Results

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

2021

"Good For You / Bad For You"

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

Self help acupuncture

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"Do you guys serve beer?"

'My feet are killing me.'

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

What the Doctor Ordered

Lady drying hair whilst on exercise bike.

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

'Well, well, well...'

Lactose Intolerant

"Your contents have shifted."

Mister Mid-Life Crisis

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

'Not that sort of body building program!'

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

"This prognosis is positive, you've got a cold nose."

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

Express Barber Chair for Chemo Patients

"If we carry them home we’ll get at least one workout."

We did a biopsy on the mole we removed, and it turns out it was just an old piece of chocolate.

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'