Digestive Health Gifts

'Your problem is keeping things down. I want you to take this one pill four times a day.'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

Aisle 2: Stuff to help you crap.

I think I'm starting to show early signs of lactose intolerance, Axel. Yesterday I was extremely rude to a wedge of Jarlsberg cheese for no reason.

You really need more fiber in your diet, Bob.

'No buns of steel, but he does have a cast iron gut!'

'I warned you to stop snarfing down the free samples!'

Never exceed the stated dose of laxatives.

'What colour is a hiccup?'

"Did the Doctor give you anything for your wind?"

"Harold, it's good you listen to your body, but must I listen to it too?"

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

2021

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

Self help acupuncture

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

"Do you guys serve beer?"

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

Lady drying hair whilst on exercise bike.

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

What the Doctor Ordered

Lactose Intolerant

'Well, well, well...'

Mister Mid-Life Crisis

"Your contents have shifted."

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

'Not that sort of body building program!'