Digestive Health Explorer Gifts

'Oh, Ed's in a VERY contrary mood today. I'm buying probiotics, so he's over there buying antibiotics.'

"Tour de Frank"

Before/After

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

'We don't have a cure for your ailment but there is an appropriate app available.'

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

Feel alienated by technology? Tell me more. Press 1 for yes, 2 for no.

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

Vegan Restaurant: ''amburgers! Sausages! RISSOLES!'

Attack of the 'health' foods

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

Nutritional Supplements.

"Harold, it's good you listen to your body, but must I listen to it too?"

"All these vitamins and nutrients, plus it makes it own sauce! We should be eating this!"

"Whatever diet they're on, tell them what they ordered is PERFECT for them."

"Cardiac day patients?"

"I have to tell you, I got a totally different diagnosis from someone named PookyPoo on medi-answer.com."

"We've gone glutton-free."

"Hey guys, I'm thinking about going vegetarian."

'What colour is a hiccup?'

'The good news is that our latest diet products work fabulously well. The bad news is that we haven't got any customers any more!'

"I can't eat these nutrition bars. They're for women."

That's my diagnosis. If you want a second opinion, I will ask my Smart Phone

"That's why you need to chew your food!" (cow deposited a hay bale).

A man's health care options.

'This new diet drug comes as a pill, patch, or as a phone app with Siri saying, don't eat so much.'

Sir, we have plenty of fine herbal tea for you to sample...but you're drinking the potpourri.

"Ding dong bell, Pussy's into wellness."

'Cool snack, Tommy! My folks are into health foods too!'

''Why, I feel as light as a feather,' thought Shirley, 'I don't think I'll go on that diet, after all!'

'He's saying 'Enough bananas - I'm also a carnivore'.'