Gut Health Explorer Gifts

Journey to the center of Jules Microbiome

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

Before/After

"Tour de Frank"

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

'We don't have a cure for your ailment but there is an appropriate app available.'

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

'Looks like Shelia has overdone it with the cream scones this week!'

Feel alienated by technology? Tell me more. Press 1 for yes, 2 for no.

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

Ed finally had to admit that his body was less of a temple and more of a worn-out parish church with a bouncy castle out front.

Attack of the 'health' foods

Vegan Restaurant: ''amburgers! Sausages! RISSOLES!'

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

Friendly bacteria

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

Nutritional Supplements.

"Whatever diet they're on, tell them what they ordered is PERFECT for them."

"All these vitamins and nutrients, plus it makes it own sauce! We should be eating this!"

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

Odd Spas

"Cardiac day patients?"

"I have to tell you, I got a totally different diagnosis from someone named PookyPoo on medi-answer.com."

"They don't look familiar...probably from another fecal transplant."

'The good news is that our latest diet products work fabulously well. The bad news is that we haven't got any customers any more!'

"Hey guys, I'm thinking about going vegetarian."

"I can't eat these nutrition bars. They're for women."

“There once was a woman who lived in a can of prebiotic soda… & only then did she consume enough to reap the health benefits claimed on the label.”

"We've gone glutton-free."

That's my diagnosis. If you want a second opinion, I will ask my Smart Phone