Digestive Health Advisor Gifts

"That's why you need to chew your food!" (cow deposited a hay bale).

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

"No offense, but the manna needs salt."

Govt. UK led by Seance

'The Meaning of Life? -- you don't have a bad ticker, do you?'

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

"Harold, it's good you listen to your body, but must I listen to it too?"

"Well, Mr Eagle, coming to see me is the first positive step to get you to soar again..."

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'

"Now they're saying shiny things attached to hooks are bad for you."

“There once was a woman who lived in a can of prebiotic soda… & only then did she consume enough to reap the health benefits claimed on the label.”

Jim's Smart Kettle

My fitness tracker said I was dead but I thought I'd better get a second opinion

'What colour is a hiccup?'

"I'm recommending a more balanced diet."

Food Pyramid.

'Actually, I kind of like peas, but if I eat them, what will mom think of next?'

'Test results are back. Coffee, donuts, sleep deprivation. Doc, you've got to start taking better care of yourself.'

"Doctor, before we start you've got to promise me that I don't have to give up anything."

Vaping cigarette

"Sir, do you have any idea how slow you were going?"

Enormous obesity report.

'Why is it that laxatives always look like crap going in?'

'Dude, I think you should cut back on the Gummi worms.'

Unfortunately what happens in the cow's digestional tract doesn't stay in the cow's digestional tract!

"Say, Flo, did you make an appointment with a lifestyle counselor?"

Group Insurance/Vitamins

'I warned you to stop snarfing down the free samples!'

'Take god care of your bacteria! it may well be the only culture you'll ever have....'

"I'm a doctor from the future, with revolutionary health advice. Exercise, drink plenty of water and eat your veggies."

Journey to the center of Jules Microbiome

"Trust me, we did the right thing, those cruise ships can be a hot-bed of germs."