Heart Health Gifts

Injured heart.

'Now, remember the routine. You're good cholesterol and I'm bad cholesterol.'

"So, when will you start telling us about good vs bad cholesterol?"

Blessed are the pacemakers.

'Your heart is slightly larger but that's because you're an animal lover.'

Smoker: Heart Problems.

"Ed gets so mad at other drivers, the doc put a surge protector on his pacemaker."

Safe driver.

'To show support for Daddy's low cholesterol diet, we'll all be eating porridge for breakfast.'

'How's the new pacemaker.'

Cardiologist

"That's normal, right?"

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

2021

"Good For You / Bad For You"

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

Self help acupuncture

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"Do you guys serve beer?"

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

What the Doctor Ordered

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

Lady drying hair whilst on exercise bike.

Lactose Intolerant

'Well, well, well...'

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"Your contents have shifted."