Carb Conqueror Gifts

Woman walking through a bakery with blinkers on.

'Funny things carbohydrates - you can't see them, yet they terrify my mother.'

"You claim you're not cheating on your diet, Mr. Parker. But how do you explain this recent weight gain?"

'My feet are killing me.'

'Hang in there, Larry, those endorphins will soon kick in.'

"Somehow, they get exempted from a lot of laws."

The trim reaper

"Statins. I got statins. Who needs statins?"

"Must get a longer cable."

'Good news! Throwing yourself at the mercy of the cholesterol seems to have worked.'

Gary Basks in the glow of a fifteen-minute window with no empty cardboard boxes in the house.

Crop duster wanted.

"Let's take it again from the top...but this time with more fillings."

Energy performance certificate nailed to wall exhausts employer.

Access Denied!

'There are two types of cholesterol - the good type, then the one you've got.'

'Just how much carbon are we supposed to offset?'

'I wonder if everyone else is making as much effort as us to reduce global warming.'

Complex Carbs

'Look! I grew a carrot!'

'Happy birthday, dear -- it's a carbon offset!'

"Hurray! We've solved global warming!"

Net Zero Superstitions

Hourglass earth - time running out

Climate Change Denier's Playbook

'I'm worried. I gave up smoking without any trouble.'

"Sealed for your diets protection."

'I'm trying to transmute lead into a combustible fuel that will produce no smoke.' 'Turning it into gold will be easier.'

Heathrow Protesters - This airport's rubbish!

"When they said they wanted to be saved, I assumed they were talking long term."

'It's difficult to get passioniate about things you can't pronounce.'

Carbon capture and storage

Mountain climber error.

"I thought you were trying to go carb-free?"

'My trainer is a touch task master.'