Car Trouble Humorist Gifts

'Blow into this, please sir.'

Motorist sees three road signs: Bump, bump, badump.

"Okay. Hit it."

"The bad news is; I can't get it to go. The good news is; It'll be really low on fuel consumption."

Policeman with TASER tries to jump-start his car

It's only firing on 87 cylinders!

'Well, the good news is; You won't need to tax and insure it.'

CLEAR!

"No, I don't think you 'new break shoes', I think you need new break feet. You are supposed to depress the brake pedal you know."

Volkswagen Scandal

'It's a Volksvegan...it runs on vegetable oil!'

"Don't you ever run off again to get your oil changed without telling me."

'Beware of SUV.'

"This is Siri. No, you're not there yet!"

"It'll need a carburettor transplant, a right wing panel augmentation, and an engine oil transfusion... Maybe you should consider euthanasia."

'It's a British car. Needs braces.'

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

'How was my emergency stop?'

'If I were you, I'd leave the keys in the ignition and hope someone steals it.'

"Your new car won't start? Oh, well, umm…that's just the car's Collision Avoidance System kicking in. It doesn't want you to hit anything today."

Person who refuses to admit age on board. Feel free to drive with wild and reckless abandon.

"Drat! A flat tyre. . ."

"It's important to fix the horn because the brakes don't work..."

Lucky car.

No Hand Signals

Australian Sat Nav - 'Straight on mate'.

"It's a hybrid if you think it is. Runs on gas and the power of positive thinking."

Pine tree driving a truck with a human-shaped air freshener hanging off the mirror

"Instead of filling in all the pot holes, it’d be easier to lower the rest of the road."

"I got a 'millennial anti-theft device' in my car." "Steering wheel lock?" "Stick shift."

'It doesn't work...'

'I swear this self driving car is falsifying it's records to avoid an insurance rate hike."

My car idles well! It learned a lot from you!

"And hold the mayo."

'Do you remember what make of car it was, sir? -- We'll have to order parts.'