Car Security Gifts

'With all the cars being stolen these days, I went out and bought the strongest security system I could afford.'

"I got a 'millennial anti-theft device' in my car." "Steering wheel lock?" "Stick shift."

The Anti-Agent

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

UK border controls relaxed.

Thanks to her cat-cam, Cheryl was able to keep her furniture from being shredded while she was at work.

High security Santa's grotto

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

"Someone’s in the kitchen. Did you lock up my kibble?"

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

"He's a guard dog."

"I'm not sure if we're named after passwords or vice versa."

No Soliciting

"I see you've security marked your property."

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

"Check the setting. I'm sure the CIA isn't hacking into our appliances just to burn your toast."

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

The Scanner Of Love.

"The smart toaster is down, and it took our wifi, security cameras, and entertainment systems with it."

'Nobody ever before had took much notice of Granny's homemade flour-sack bloomers.'

"On a positive note, he's not our boss. He's the guy who stole our boss's identity."

'Best watchdog I ever had!'

AI Safety Officer

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

Scarecrows guarding a field

A Little Extra

''Junk Yard Dog' just sounds so much cooler.'

Moulin Rouge Security

"Beware of Don"

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

CIA, 'Confound it, Ruggles -- we're SUPPOSED to be worrywarts'

Death to the Extremists

'That's hydroplaning for ya.'

"All it will do is move crime to the South Pole."

"Sorry kid, I work alone."