Car Security Pillows

'With all the cars being stolen these days, I went out and bought the strongest security system I could afford.'

"I got a 'millennial anti-theft device' in my car." "Steering wheel lock?" "Stick shift."

The Anti-Agent

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

UK border controls relaxed.

High security Santa's grotto

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

"He's a guard dog."

"I'm not sure if we're named after passwords or vice versa."

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

"Someone’s in the kitchen. Did you lock up my kibble?"

No Soliciting

"I see you've security marked your property."

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

"Check the setting. I'm sure the CIA isn't hacking into our appliances just to burn your toast."

"The smart toaster is down, and it took our wifi, security cameras, and entertainment systems with it."

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

'Nobody ever before had took much notice of Granny's homemade flour-sack bloomers.'

Scarecrows guarding a field

AI Safety Officer

"Beware of Don"

Moulin Rouge Security

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

CIA, 'Confound it, Ruggles -- we're SUPPOSED to be worrywarts'

''Junk Yard Dog' just sounds so much cooler.'

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

'Best watchdog I ever had!'

'That's hydroplaning for ya.'

"All it will do is move crime to the South Pole."

"Sorry kid, I work alone."

"Since we installed the video surveillance system we're losing fewer socks."

Mou...Man trap!