Car Security Aficionado Pillows

''Stole a Smart Car. It picked me out of a lineup.'

'Where was the TSA?'

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

"All it will do is move crime to the South Pole."

"Sorry kid, I work alone."

CCTV in church.

"Seriously Dad, it totally wasn't my fault."

"Hackers, Sire! They've broken through our firewall."

Who are the most important people at the World Cup?

'What the … ? How did those thugs get into my car?'

The Ayatollah Bomb?

Biro Security

"Rest assured, anything you say in this office won't get repeated by me."

'This biometric ID badge is part of the new security system. The badge contains my encoded retinal scan, fingerprints, and level of job enthusiasm.'

"If you're my gramma you wouldn't have a problem consenting to a retina scan!"

"Fifth robbery this week. That's not a security camera ??" a local TV news station installed it to save time."

'Your father installed a security system.'

'Don't worry -- the security camera is for your own protection.'

The ultimate Secret Service demotion. We're sending you to guard Mount Rushmore.

'He's Barack Obama? I thought you said 'he brought a bomb on!''

'Principal McWit, a student without an appointment is here and says he's holding your computer access codes for ransom.'

"Okay, what's your next, more expensive security system?"

The prime minister: the current threat to national security...

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'Someone is reading our emails. I'm afraid this means we're going to have to talk to each other.'

"Hi, I'm the new IT-security-expert! Where is your server room? I want to see if I can overcome your firewall!"

'They take patient privacy so seriously around here they encrypt your name!'

'This fridge is fitted with CCTV.'

All items on the premises have been marked for identification: 'My cat sprayed everything in the house.'

'It even has its own built-in home security system!'

'Halt! User name and password.'

Every time I try to warn people about the threat level, they say, surely, you jest.

Beware of dog armed with cloaking device.