Car Owner Gifts

"At first, I thought it was gunfire."

"Next time your engine knocks, answer it."

Dog Walking Services

"The GPS works great, we have satellite TV installed, the Sirius stereo sounds fantastic and our every move is tracked by Qualcomm. But could you turn around? I left me iphone at the house. . ."

'That was fun!'

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

Love a Mutt

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

Cat and dog at a will reading.

"Would you please step into the garage? Your car and I need to have a word with you."

"There's something about ripping the stuffing out of a toy that turns me into a wild dog. I'm afraid I actually like that feeling."

MacGyver's Cat: 'You see, I took your bed and two paper clips and made it my bed.'

"I've tasted better myself, but you've got to admit the service is good."

'Yes I know I'm intelligent and famous, but I'd trade it all for a good old belly scratching.'

'Why Sally, you look so fetching with that stick!'

'When he comes through that door, let's all jump up and give him a big kiss!'

"I see you've security marked your property."

'This is Onstar, how may I help you?'

Dogs life

"The bad news is that I backed into a fan. The good news is my owner's a plumber."

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

"Have you tried barking at the moon?"

Another reason Chihuahuas hate basketball.

Epic Battles

"Looks like a pretty quiet night out there, huh, girl?"

"He sits there all day waiting to chase the email man."

"Who's a good boy? You're a good boy."

"Hurry, stop him!" (Dog running off with bone from man's x-ray).

"Just what emotion is your emotional support dog supporting?"

Dog Obedience School: 'I think we're going to have our work cut out with this one.'

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

'Brrr - It is cold out, isn't it fella!?!'

"I really look forward to this evening's walk."

"Would you get me a beer from the refrigerator? Just grab one of the cans on the top shelf. Come on, I do so much for you—all these years, the walks, the food, the chases... Come on! Never mind."