Dog Owner Gifts

"Is there any chance of getting my testicles back?"

'Do they make one of those that finds lost bones?'

"Not guilty. He needed new Top-Siders anyway."

"They're back! They're back! How do I look? Oh, never mind! Never mind!"

"I do what they tell me, I eat what they give me. How do I know they're not a cult?"

"After you've wished once for food, you can stop using your other wishes on food."

"Now I have to change my dog's name so I can remember my new password."

Depressed Pets

"Hurry, stop him!" (Dog running off with bone from man's x-ray).

'Woof, woof, woof - but I'm paraphrasing.'

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

Dog New Year's Eve Party

Naughty Dog with Wagging Tail

Zagat-rated.

Unbeknownst to most, dogs are actually greedy bastards searching for gold,

'He wants to put his bones in safekeeping.'

'I wasn't chewing it. I was editing it.'

'What? You want something? It has something to do with your food dish? Darn, I wish dogs could talk!'

"I hacked into the obedience school and changed my grades. Who's the bad dog now?"

'What about the arts? I need to learn MORE than just obedience!'

'You are what you eat.'

"A simple command. She gets right to the point. I must obey. Still...I see that rolled-up newspaper as a threatening gesture designed to humble and instill fear. Therefore, later, while she sleeps. I will chew up her other shoe."

'They give you a lot of treats while they're training you, so play dumb for as long as you can.'

'Real hungry? Should be, 'Really hungry.' Adjectives take adverbs.'

"Good morning! Time for my breakfast!"

'Hey Winston, this is my dad. He's obsessed with sitting.'

'Raise your paw for the corresponding ear when you hear the sound of a can opener.'

"I have as many organisms on my tongue as she has in her probiotic, so why won't she let me lick her face."

'You're lucky you can't read.'

"No, I've never liked chasing sticks. I though you enjoyed throwing them."

dog reading EKG

'He used to bring me my newspaper, but now that I look at car ads online, he brings me my computer.'

'Thanks, boy. But I'm reading the paper off-line today.'

'Not again!'

The Dog Whisperer's father - Old Yeller.