Dog Ownership Gifts

"Meow."

Fire hydrant peeing on a dog

'Do they make one of those that finds lost bones?'

"They were bred originally to be hors d'oeuvres."

"Sit!"

Vicarage - Beware of the Dogma.

'If I didn't know better, I'd say you enjoyed this.'

"All dogs have four legs. All tables have four legs. All dogs are tables."

'Is he sitting?'

You're supposed to be man's best friend, but you never call and you never write!

'You drive a hard bargain, but okay -- newspaper pipe, AND slippers.'

A Great Dane in the throes of furious activity.

"I guess you're already aware that your dog's rabies is highly infectious?"

'Next door's dog is doing its business on our lawn again!'

'A hot dog won't work when there's steak on the neighbors' grill.'

Posh Doghouse.

'I'm his best friend, but I wouldn't go so far as to say I'm his BFF.'

"If you can show me anywhere in my contract it says anything about fetching, I'll go fetch."

'Is it just me or are we getting more wind lately?'

Meditation for dogs

Whatís that, boy? Youíre too tired for a walk and you just want to watch TV?

"Look, fella, I'm sorry. What more can I say?"

"I have an enormous favor to ask you."

"I've got problems with the IRS. I haven't filed in seven years."

"It's non-negotiable."

'Patience, consistency and treats are really great training tools...and they work well with dogs, too.'

"I give you the seven-billion dollar pup, then you give me back the seven-billion-dollar pup."

'My wife and I just bought a dachshund.'

Dog hangs outside of a cooking school with a sign, 'Will Eat Your Homework.'

'Here, take these... we're going to need a urine sample from him right now.'

'Wow! Too bad for you tail-wagging isn't an aerobic exercise!'

'Can you be more specific? Are you pointing at IBM, IMCLONE, INTEL...?'

'My wife doesn't understand us.'

'Don't row so hard!'

Sunshine Dog Obedience School