Dog Ownership Gifts

"Meow."

Fire hydrant peeing on a dog

'Do they make one of those that finds lost bones?'

"They were bred originally to be hors d'oeuvres."

"Sit!"

Vicarage - Beware of the Dogma.

'If I didn't know better, I'd say you enjoyed this.'

"All dogs have four legs. All tables have four legs. All dogs are tables."

"I guess you're already aware that your dog's rabies is highly infectious?"

A Great Dane in the throes of furious activity.

'Next door's dog is doing its business on our lawn again!'

'Is he sitting?'

'You drive a hard bargain, but okay -- newspaper pipe, AND slippers.'

You're supposed to be man's best friend, but you never call and you never write!

"If you can show me anywhere in my contract it says anything about fetching, I'll go fetch."

Posh Doghouse.

'I'm his best friend, but I wouldn't go so far as to say I'm his BFF.'

'A hot dog won't work when there's steak on the neighbors' grill.'

Whatís that, boy? Youíre too tired for a walk and you just want to watch TV?

"It's non-negotiable."

"I give you the seven-billion dollar pup, then you give me back the seven-billion-dollar pup."

"I've got problems with the IRS. I haven't filed in seven years."

Meditation for dogs

"Look, fella, I'm sorry. What more can I say?"

"I have an enormous favor to ask you."

Dog hangs outside of a cooking school with a sign, 'Will Eat Your Homework.'

'My wife and I just bought a dachshund.'

'Is it just me or are we getting more wind lately?'

'Here, take these... we're going to need a urine sample from him right now.'

'Patience, consistency and treats are really great training tools...and they work well with dogs, too.'

"Don't even think about trying to teach me tricks. I'm not some sideshow freak who's here for your sick amusement."

Spot/Spotless.

'You'll like this new dog food Gus. It's homework flavour.'

'I'm the dog he never had.'

'Try the steak tartare...it's okay.'