Pet Ownership Gifts

"Not guilty, because puppies do these things."

Man's book: '100 Years of Solitude'; Dog's book: '700 Years of Solitude'

"Who are you kidding? You're all about small government until you get stuck in a tree."

"Look, children are just pathetic substitutes for people who can't have pets."

"Hold up! I just gotta tag my location."

'Beg.'

'Okay, are you ready for your final exam?'

'Ever since I started reading the newswpaper online, he's been bringing my computer to me.'

How to tell you might be getting too close with your pet.

'Well, so much for that theory!'

"Let's try it again. This time with a tad less mania."

'Hey Winston, this is my dad. He's obsessed with sitting.'

"Hold still! It says here understanding body language is key to knowing your cat."

Parrot to owner: 'The cracker is fine, but will it satisfy my emotional needs?'

'Sit, Rollover, Heel'

"Love you!"

Bedtime Real Estate Distribution (for dog owners)

'I already have a home security system.'

'I feel ridiculous!'

"We're still working out joint custody."

'If they didn't have on-site daycare, I wouldn't even be able to come to these meetings.'

Intelligent dog.

Kitty's Clock, each hour marked by a cat's face and the reminders, 'Scratch me, Brush me, Feed me, Play with me, Look at me, Pet me, Find me, Talk to me, Feed me, Rub me, Hold me.'

Flat Cap and whippet

"And you call yourself a dog."

'Oh, he's been a bad dog all right - why else would he lawyer up?'

'I have some pet peeves we need to discuss.'

Dog with Anchor Lead

The Alps - Hannibal Picks Up After the Elephants.

"Not much to look at, but it was a real bargain at the Gene Depot."

'A listener from Ridgeway asks, 'When visiting a friend, is it improper to drink out of the toilet unless asked first?' Good question...'

"No, I'm not faking it, I'm really happy when they come home."

"You're late."

'As we all know your dear, deceased Aunt Clara, was a devoted cat lover...'

Dog makes a bank deposit.