Dog Owning Gifts

'I don't get it. He had the smallest paws in the whole litter.'

Pooper scoppers.

'OK... Ms. McCloskey and Duncan. Says here you think Duncan may have separation anxiety.'

'Before we start... get off the couch.'

'He must be pleased with me. He's wagging his finger.'

'When he's happy he can cool the entire downstairs.'

'Don't wag!'

'I personally find public displays of affection disgusting.'

Basset Hound.

'The days of rewarding me with mere pats on the head are over.'

"How's this? 'Mr. Walters lives and works in Westbury, Connecticut, with his wife and daughter and two large Old English sheepdogs.' "

'You worry too much!'

'Sorry. Your accident insurance doesn't cover that kind of incident.'

'I'm not sure which one is the role model.'

'I like he's a self-starter - but I never hired him.'

'My place or yours... or right here?'

'Remember, Son, to occasionally take time to stop and pee on the roses.'

"Thank heavens, something with an oaky, peppery finish."

'Do you mind? I'm trying to fish!'

'Get the paper, Tug.' 'Good dog, Tug.'

'Do I have to fetch the newspaper? -- David Broder always leaves a bad taste in my mouth!'

'Are you accusing my dog of identity theft?'

Obama's first 100 days in office.

"I've no idea what breed he is but he's very loyal."

"That's OK, they're not yelling at each other! They're yelling at the TV: a politician is giving a speech..."

"I don't care if you're old enough. You cannot roam around the neighborhood with a pack of wild dogs."

"Amusing bouquet, without being hilarious."

"The truth is, he loves you...yeah...he loves to hate you!"

'Its time to count up hugs, gifts and kisses to see which of us is officially her BFF this month...'

'No, not frisbees!.. Freebies!'

'I never care about the vintage.'

'Honestly, I never know if I'm coming or going.'

"This silly magazine article says dogs only PRETEND to love us to fulfill deeply ingrained, parasitic survival instincts. Well, they don't know my Skipper, do they?"

'Remember the good old days when he wasn't allowed on the furniture?'

"Do you have Eau De Rumen?"