Pet Ownership Pillows

"Not guilty, because puppies do these things."

Man's book: '100 Years of Solitude'; Dog's book: '700 Years of Solitude'

"Who are you kidding? You're all about small government until you get stuck in a tree."

"Look, children are just pathetic substitutes for people who can't have pets."

"Hold up! I just gotta tag my location."

'Beg.'

'Ever since I started reading the newswpaper online, he's been bringing my computer to me.'

'Okay, are you ready for your final exam?'

How to tell you might be getting too close with your pet.

"Let's try it again. This time with a tad less mania."

'Hey Winston, this is my dad. He's obsessed with sitting.'

Bedtime Real Estate Distribution (for dog owners)

"Love you!"

Parrot to owner: 'The cracker is fine, but will it satisfy my emotional needs?'

'Sit, Rollover, Heel'

"Hold still! It says here understanding body language is key to knowing your cat."

'I already have a home security system.'

'I feel ridiculous!'

"We're still working out joint custody."

'If they didn't have on-site daycare, I wouldn't even be able to come to these meetings.'

"And you call yourself a dog."

'I have some pet peeves we need to discuss.'

'Oh, he's been a bad dog all right - why else would he lawyer up?'

Kitty's Clock, each hour marked by a cat's face and the reminders, 'Scratch me, Brush me, Feed me, Play with me, Look at me, Pet me, Find me, Talk to me, Feed me, Rub me, Hold me.'

Flat Cap and whippet

Intelligent dog.

Dog with Anchor Lead

"OK, you're not your owner's first pet and will never be the answer to a security question. How does that make you feel?"

"Are you happy with your current ball?"

'As we all know your dear, deceased Aunt Clara, was a devoted cat lover...'

"Not much to look at, but it was a real bargain at the Gene Depot."

Conversation between Dogs.

"Why? Because I'm the master, that's why."

No motivation

"Someday, my son, that will mean you."