Pet Owner Pillows

"Yes, I came back. I always come back."

'It's Always 'Good Dog'—Never 'Great Dog.'

"If that's another dead bird, we're not doing Christmas next year."

"There are no bad dogs. Only good dogs who make bad choices."

"Is there any chance of getting my testicles back?"

Dog Food Groups

"Isn't it true that you did not love the victim, as you claim, but, in point of fact, feigned affection for the sole purpose of obtaining tuna fish?"

"The applications are limitless."

Man's book: '100 Years of Solitude'; Dog's book: '700 Years of Solitude'

"He's a working dog, but I don't know what he does."

"I really appreciate this."

"O.K., I'm sitting. What is it?"

"Here's a study for you, Doctor - he faints."

"How much we talking for a deck?"

"I've done it again."

"...And how do you feel once you've had a hissy fit."

"That's right - I'm talking to you."

'You can wear the crown, but we won't bow down.'

"I'm starting to miss his begging."

"Somehow, some way, we have to guide these people back to reality!"

'Where I come from it's called collateral.'

'I was wrong...you can teach an old dog new tricks.'

"I can't explain it. I see that guy coming up the walkway and I go postal."

Depressed Pets

"Is it any wonder you got coal in your stocking?"

"What the hell was I supposed to do? I've been declawed!"

"I've got the bowl, the bone, the big yard. I know I should be happy."

Zagat-rated.

'What am I blind, Bob?'

Christmas Wreath on a Doggy Door

'Okay, are you ready for your final exam?'

"The dog ate my magnetic insoles."

'Apparently, someone went on my computer and ordered fifty cases of doggy num nums...would you happen to know anything about that?'

'Word to the wise: Always check the cheese for pills.'

'Any other symptoms besides difficulty in marking your territory?'