Pet Owner Gifts

"Yes, I came back. I always come back."

'It's Always 'Good Dog'—Never 'Great Dog.'

"If that's another dead bird, we're not doing Christmas next year."

"There are no bad dogs. Only good dogs who make bad choices."

"Is there any chance of getting my testicles back?"

Dog Food Groups

"Isn't it true that you did not love the victim, as you claim, but, in point of fact, feigned affection for the sole purpose of obtaining tuna fish?"

"The applications are limitless."

"He's a working dog, but I don't know what he does."

Man's book: '100 Years of Solitude'; Dog's book: '700 Years of Solitude'

"I really appreciate this."

"O.K., I'm sitting. What is it?"

"How much we talking for a deck?"

"Here's a study for you, Doctor - he faints."

"I've done it again."

"...And how do you feel once you've had a hissy fit."

"I'm starting to miss his begging."

'You can wear the crown, but we won't bow down.'

"That's right - I'm talking to you."

"Somehow, some way, we have to guide these people back to reality!"

'Where I come from it's called collateral.'

'I was wrong...you can teach an old dog new tricks.'

"I can't explain it. I see that guy coming up the walkway and I go postal."

Depressed Pets

"Is it any wonder you got coal in your stocking?"

"I've got the bowl, the bone, the big yard. I know I should be happy."

"What the hell was I supposed to do? I've been declawed!"

Zagat-rated.

'What am I blind, Bob?'

Christmas Wreath on a Doggy Door

"The dog ate my magnetic insoles."

'Okay, are you ready for your final exam?'

'Any other symptoms besides difficulty in marking your territory?'

'Apparently, someone went on my computer and ordered fifty cases of doggy num nums...would you happen to know anything about that?'

'Word to the wise: Always check the cheese for pills.'