Pet Owning Pillows

"You know your dog better than I do."

'You chewed up my list of new years resolutions! Good boy!'

'I've finally learned to delegate.'

Lost my squeaky toy. Please help.

'Oh don't worry, we had him defanged.'

101 uses of a dead cat: microphones.

'My place or yours... or right here?'

'I'm sorry, but we're all out of both whales and eagles.'

'How could you tell I'm a cat person? Are you psychic?'

'His previous owner had a lot of allergies.'

'I miscounted and went from 8 to 7.'

His cheapest artist's model.

'We know you have a cat.'

'Let's get one thing straight, Bowser, I got you for protection, not companionship.'

"Please, Dear, don't put the cat out anymore!"

Garden of Earthly Delights

'I like he's a self-starter - but I never hired him.'

'Will work for tummy rub.'

'No, not frisbees!.. Freebies!'

Dog has a television screen for a head and a plug in tail.

'Okay, just one more. But then I have a rescue I need to get to.'

101 uses of a dead cat: mouse's trapeze circus act.

Canine.

"Let's be clear Mr Cosgrove. We feed you,… you don't bite our hand."

"Yes, he does speak, but only on condition of anonymity."

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

"I can't believe how great my life is now: We used to live in an apartment, but now, I have my own garden..."

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

Indoor Climbing Centre for Cats.

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

"Those aren't coconuts, they're tennis balls." "Sweet mother of Novak Djokovic!" The island of lost tennis balls.

"Pick me!"

'Someone got me because I matched her purse, I've been to a rock concert, a night club and two weddings, Life as a designer dog is great but I'd trade caviar for kibble to get a good night's sleep,'

'I know you're really proud, dear. But, don't you think people might think you're bragging?'