Captains Of Chaos Gifts

'Nothing important. Just missing another deadline.'

'It's 10:00. Do you know where your kids are?'

"I'm so good at this!"

Help! (Woman stuck on washing line).

"Cat park"

'Actually, they're pretty nice, once they settle down.'

'When does the improvement phase of this home improvement project begin?'

Disorder in the Court!

Repletion.

Paper Trail

"Please excuse the mess. We had a major paradigm shift."

Naughty Puppy Dog.

'When an outboard goes overboard'

'Now, you'd better pick up your toys or no bath!'

"Ahoy!"

"Walter had an attack of road rage in the driveway."

'There's an extra $25 in it for you if you can get the Silly Putty out of his hair.'

The art of fishing.

'Oh my God, we've been burgle- ... oh wait, I just remembered, we've got children.'

Poetry Journal. Any good submissions over the internet? No -- Just the usual bloggerel.

It's folks like Mildred who make collectibles collectable!

No wheelies.

'Roger that...I'm taking the first clean shot I can get.'

'Honey, I just ran into the store. Did you need me to pick anything up while I'm here?'

'Do you think Doctor could see him soon, I have the dinner to prepare.'

'I don't know why you waste your time with that watering can. The hose is much quicker.'

'I'm not stressed out. I'm stressed in.'

"Well, what I lack in cognitive thinking skills I more than make in moral flexibility."

"Quick, act casual."

'I see you caught the fish, but the boat got away.'

"Jeez, what a day. It's good to be home..."

Potty Training.

Must... Remember...

Dinner Aboard an East-India Ship (After Cpt. Francis Marryat)

"I am beginning to think that my student teaching experience may not have completely prepared me for my own classroom."