Chaos Captain Gifts

'Dinner time at our house is pretty rough with all the yelling, food fights, and time-outs. The scary thing is we don't even have kids.'

Naughty Puppy Dog.

A rowing cox takes a taxi cab.

Emergency Entrance

Parents everywhere: There's no shelter in place.

No wheelies.

'It's 10:00. Do you know where your kids are?'

'When an outboard goes overboard'

'I don't get too far at home complaining about cubicle. My wife's cubicle has thirty four children in it.'

Disorder in the Court!

Hooligans at the Euros 2016

"Perfect! A table all to ourselves!"

"Jeez, what a day. It's good to be home..."

"Maureen Alsop is leaving her magnolia, and her delphinium and her cats with us this weekend."

Future garbage truck driver.

Struggling with issues from his own childhood, the Bedroom Bandit would sneak in and jumble children's room across the nation. Not a mother believed it.

'What was all that swerving at the cat walk?'

'It wasn't long before Larry realized his calling as a lawyer whisperer...'

'Don't be alarmed if you hear the toilet flush a lot. Since you don't feel well, I thought I'd wash the dishes for you.'

Is that pancake ready yet?

'Hey, everyone! I think I found the bottleneck!'

'Let's pretend I'm a business owner and you're the janitorial service...'

"Do you realize that you and I have it in our power to cause quite a brouhaha?'

'I suppose an explanation is in order?'

'You'll find there's no middle ground with Kirk Knoland.'

"Hold on a second, Bob. I'm putting you on a stickie."

"I'm so good at this!"

'We've moved some fussy people, but she tops it!'

"Funny, I don't remember signing up for this."

Help! (Woman stuck on washing line).

"Isn't it obvious? I'm writing the great American graphic novel."

"Cat park"

Dog Day Afternoon

Caution: use only under child supervison

Stockwell's day