Chaos Captains Gifts

Dinner Aboard an East-India Ship (After Cpt. Francis Marryat)

"Maureen Alsop is leaving her magnolia, and her delphinium and her cats with us this weekend."

Future garbage truck driver.

'What was all that swerving at the cat walk?'

Struggling with issues from his own childhood, the Bedroom Bandit would sneak in and jumble children's room across the nation. Not a mother believed it.

'It wasn't long before Larry realized his calling as a lawyer whisperer...'

'Don't be alarmed if you hear the toilet flush a lot. Since you don't feel well, I thought I'd wash the dishes for you.'

Is that pancake ready yet?

'Hey, everyone! I think I found the bottleneck!'

'Let's pretend I'm a business owner and you're the janitorial service...'

'I suppose an explanation is in order?'

'It's 10:00. Do you know where your kids are?'

"Do you realize that you and I have it in our power to cause quite a brouhaha?'

'You'll find there's no middle ground with Kirk Knoland.'

"Hold on a second, Bob. I'm putting you on a stickie."

"I'm so good at this!"

'We've moved some fussy people, but she tops it!'

"Isn't it obvious? I'm writing the great American graphic novel."

"Funny, I don't remember signing up for this."

"Cat park"

Help! (Woman stuck on washing line).

Stockwell's day

Caution: use only under child supervison

Dog Day Afternoon

'Frank is into D.I.Y...'Destroy It Yourself'!'

"I'm making a list of everything we have to do before we go away so we can freak out in some kind of order."

'This is my natural habitat.'

"My mom said a tornado hit my room. I checked my weather app, and it said clear skies."

Women pay for one hour of uninterrupted sleep.

Turn Down For What.

'Your father and I support your career aspirations, but we feel you need a new practice space.'

'When does the improvement phase of this home improvement project begin?'

Man falls through ceiling - 'Did you find the leak?'

A Mom's Purse

'You think you have it rough. Try organizing a waiting room.'