Chaos Captains T-Shirts

Dinner Aboard an East-India Ship (After Cpt. Francis Marryat)

"Maureen Alsop is leaving her magnolia, and her delphinium and her cats with us this weekend."

Future garbage truck driver.

'What was all that swerving at the cat walk?'

'It wasn't long before Larry realized his calling as a lawyer whisperer...'

Struggling with issues from his own childhood, the Bedroom Bandit would sneak in and jumble children's room across the nation. Not a mother believed it.

Is that pancake ready yet?

'Don't be alarmed if you hear the toilet flush a lot. Since you don't feel well, I thought I'd wash the dishes for you.'

'Hey, everyone! I think I found the bottleneck!'

'Let's pretend I'm a business owner and you're the janitorial service...'

"I'm so good at this!"

"Do you realize that you and I have it in our power to cause quite a brouhaha?'

'You'll find there's no middle ground with Kirk Knoland.'

'I suppose an explanation is in order?'

'It's 10:00. Do you know where your kids are?'

"Hold on a second, Bob. I'm putting you on a stickie."

'We've moved some fussy people, but she tops it!'

Caution: use only under child supervison

Dog Day Afternoon

"Cat park"

Stockwell's day

Help! (Woman stuck on washing line).

"Isn't it obvious? I'm writing the great American graphic novel."

"Funny, I don't remember signing up for this."

'Frank is into D.I.Y...'Destroy It Yourself'!'

"I'm making a list of everything we have to do before we go away so we can freak out in some kind of order."

'This is my natural habitat.'

'Your father and I support your career aspirations, but we feel you need a new practice space.'

Women pay for one hour of uninterrupted sleep.

"My mom said a tornado hit my room. I checked my weather app, and it said clear skies."

Turn Down For What.

'When does the improvement phase of this home improvement project begin?'

Man falls through ceiling - 'Did you find the leak?'

A Mom's Purse

"Gosh! Look what he's done to his Harry Potter books..."