Chaos Commander Gifts

How I learned to stop worrying and start hammering

'When does the improvement phase of this home improvement project begin?'

Must... Remember...

"Don't mind the mess. The computers went down this morning."

The art of fishing.

"I am beginning to think that my student teaching experience may not have completely prepared me for my own classroom."

Pot washer.

"She's trying to make you feel quilty!"

Paper Trail

"Please excuse the mess. We had a major paradigm shift."

"Quick, does anyone here know a C.P.A.?"

It's folks like Mildred who make collectibles collectable!

Help! (Woman stuck on washing line).

Names for your unwanted baby.

'There's an extra $25 in it for you if you can get the Silly Putty out of his hair.'

Wordilly Durdillies - Larry needed time to get his head together

"I'm so good at this!"

Poetry Journal. Any good submissions over the internet? No -- Just the usual bloggerel.

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

'With 73 dog obedience books read between us, I think we must consider defeat.'

The Baby Walker

'From six to to eighteen, they're always at that age.'

"Quick, start the car!"

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

"Well, isn't that embarrassing."

"The meeting will come to order."

Sounds that various toys make when they are vacuumed up.

Here and There Trays

"Guys, can you use your Mommy-doesn't-want-to-know-I-exist voices?"

A Communal Breakfast for the Young

'Hey Einstein, how about converting some of your mass into energy and getting this place cleaned up?'

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

"Maureen Alsop is leaving her magnolia, and her delphinium and her cats with us this weekend."

"Force quit! Force quit! Force quit!!"