Captain Of Calamari T-Shirts

Giant squid attacks ship. Pirate asks: 'Who ordered the calamari?'

"I think I've figured out why we can't find the marina."

Captain in a storm

'We might make more progress if we try working as a team.'

"Do you recall the exact moment the balance of power shifted?"

"To be clear, I said I want your 'A' game, not your 'Eh?' game."

'If we get out of this alive, I'm going to have a darn good look at your resume.'

Man about dog parasailing: 'He's a water dog and a birder.'

"Sorry, Rick, but no thongs means no thongs."

'Well, it wasn't my lucky day... first there was that shark and then I bimped into a bunch of beaver!'

Welsh airport arrivals.

Captain looks out of a porthole and notices that the ship is sinking.

'I like to greet the new team members myself.'

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

I drive, therefore I am.

"The Captain really, really hates losing at shuffleboard."

"This crew gets 15 miles to the pound of gruel. They're very fuel efficient."

"And the way you kids kick ass today will speak volumes about the leaders of tomorrow you will be."

"Awwwk! Mutiny is a go! Pass it on! Awwk!"

"Cat park"

Woman as a beacon and guide of the family

It became increasingly difficult for the captain to reward his crew and still maintain his ferocious reputation.

"How can you feel queasy, we're barely out of port."

Captain Ahab (Ret.)

"A storm rages from the East - tell the men to get below and snuggle up for movie night."

And overcoming their resistance by sheer skill.

"Let's see now - have we got everything?"

What really happened on the EVER GIVEN

Verbal Orders

'Captain, there's someone pissing in the hold!'

Solemn Reference is Made to Mr Bunsby

"Get those decks cleaned you swabs!..."

The crew can no longer tolerate Captain Bligh's ruthless splitting of infinitives."

'Well, we still think you're a naughty boy, running away to sea like that!'

"Wait...Did I Say 'North'?"