Canvas Craftsman Gifts

'They're great, but does your signature really have to include the 'D.D.S.'?'

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

(Camel paintings)

"I'm the only sane artist in the world."

Cat with Nine Still Lives

"He's an abstract artist."

"Feel better, dear?"

Cartooning 101: Figure Drawing

Art Plagiarism

'I think you've put that in the wrong place.'

Couple painting each other - one turns to the other and says, 'Hon, let's hire a model.'

"Your painting is both original and good. Sadly, the good bits are not original and the original bits are not good."

"It's called 'Sold'."

'Picasso'

Painting the portrait of a weight lifter.

'I'm glad you like it, but I haven't started it yet.'

Jackson Pollock makes a mistake: 'Guess I'll have to start over.'

"I'm ahead of my time."

'Stupido Digitale! Chucka me a sloppy brush, there's a gooda chap.'

Stage producer.

How Art Works.

Artistic Licence.

'A resume painted in oils on canvas? How long have you been out of work?'

David Hockney

The painting Painter

Jackson Pollock's early paint-by-numbers period.

'And you all thought I didn't have a hobby.'

"Your resume says SOB, tell me more about that."

"You have indeed purchased an original Rembrandt. A Ralph Rembrandt."

Medical Arts Building

"Not moonshine - small batch, artisanal grain alcohol."

Painting Music

Pavement artist.

Abstract Paintings.

You still working on that?