Canonic Contemplator T-Shirts

'He just found out he's no longer in the literary canon.'

'Are you sure You can be objective? -After all, You did CREATE them.'

'Dad, do you you think there's s**t on other planets?'

Professional woman in pub

"Shall we put it in play?"

Lazy man contemplates the moment of creation.

"I let go of all my earthly attachments, but there's one I can't seem to shake."

'I just can't keep up with the conversations in deep space.'

Caterpillar Paranoia

'What I especially like about being a philosopher-scientist is that I don't have to get my hands dirty.'

"Hunters turned philosophers"

'What? -- I send you all this great sunlight, and you waste it growing PROTOPLASM?'

'You realize, we can't use the 'benign neglect' method for everything.'

'Do you realize it takes over 2000 laws to enforce the ten commandments?'

'To become ONE with the Universe, you must first become COMPLIANT with the Universe!'

'Since the universe is rapidly expanding, there's a lot more that we have to worry about now.'

Hunter haunted by Bunnies.

"Go forth and multiply under the constraint of sustainability within Nature's framework? What the heck is THAT supposed to mean?"

Apocalipsis

Man reading magazine: 'International Procrastinator.'

"Flat-earthers and round-earthers reach a compromise."

"This human experiment has gone on long enough. Give the hippos control."

'Darn. His Holiness' letter says nothing about cancelling celibacy.'

"Totality was great, but now that it's over I'm like, 'What am I even doing?'"

'How about bearing false witness for you neighbor?'

'Hey, don't look at me -- I was AGAINST free will.'

'You realize, it may take us awhile to INTERNALIZE these....'

'I think I just blew my diet. Do you know what the glycemic index is for a communion host?'

"I wonder if there's life as we know it on other planets."

"Pay no attention. It's his way of telling us he needs a lot of space."

Alcohol 'Nector of the Gods' 'Devils Brew!'

'Attaining harmony with the universe is a gradual process. You need to start with a cease-fire.'

'There's only one honest way to make money.'

Prayers For Agnostics

"Sometimes I wonder if there's more to life than unlocking the mysteries of the universe."