Canonic Contemplator Gifts

'He just found out he's no longer in the literary canon.'

'Are you sure You can be objective? -After all, You did CREATE them.'

'Dad, do you you think there's s**t on other planets?'

Professional woman in pub

"Shall we put it in play?"

Lazy man contemplates the moment of creation.

"I let go of all my earthly attachments, but there's one I can't seem to shake."

'I just can't keep up with the conversations in deep space.'

Caterpillar Paranoia

'What I especially like about being a philosopher-scientist is that I don't have to get my hands dirty.'

'What? -- I send you all this great sunlight, and you waste it growing PROTOPLASM?'

"Hunters turned philosophers"

'You realize, we can't use the 'benign neglect' method for everything.'

'Do you realize it takes over 2000 laws to enforce the ten commandments?'

Hunter haunted by Bunnies.

'To become ONE with the Universe, you must first become COMPLIANT with the Universe!'

'Since the universe is rapidly expanding, there's a lot more that we have to worry about now.'

"Go forth and multiply under the constraint of sustainability within Nature's framework? What the heck is THAT supposed to mean?"

William would often take long walks along the beach, seeking inspiration for his next timesheet.

"Flat-earthers and round-earthers reach a compromise."

Apocalipsis

Man reading magazine: 'International Procrastinator.'

"This human experiment has gone on long enough. Give the hippos control."

'Darn. His Holiness' letter says nothing about cancelling celibacy.'

'How about bearing false witness for you neighbor?'

"Totality was great, but now that it's over I'm like, 'What am I even doing?'"

'Hey, don't look at me -- I was AGAINST free will.'

'I think I just blew my diet. Do you know what the glycemic index is for a communion host?'

"Pay no attention. It's his way of telling us he needs a lot of space."

"I wonder if there's life as we know it on other planets."

'You realize, it may take us awhile to INTERNALIZE these....'

'Attaining harmony with the universe is a gradual process. You need to start with a cease-fire.'

Alcohol 'Nector of the Gods' 'Devils Brew!'

'There's only one honest way to make money.'

Prayers For Agnostics