Control Contemplator Gifts

The Master Switch

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

Professional woman in pub

"I let go of all my earthly attachments, but there's one I can't seem to shake."

'What I especially like about being a philosopher-scientist is that I don't have to get my hands dirty.'

Caterpillar Paranoia

'Do you realize it takes over 2000 laws to enforce the ten commandments?'

'To become ONE with the Universe, you must first become COMPLIANT with the Universe!'

'We may think 2012 is over, but history books are full of things we thought were over.'

"Go forth and multiply under the constraint of sustainability within Nature's framework? What the heck is THAT supposed to mean?"

William would often take long walks along the beach, seeking inspiration for his next timesheet.

Man reading magazine: 'International Procrastinator.'

'He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, who cares...'

'How about bearing false witness for you neighbor?'

'All the girls say the same thing. You're a sweet guy, but...'

At first she didn't want to live if it meant being attached to tubes. But before you knew it, they were getting along just fine.

'You realize, it may take us awhile to INTERNALIZE these....'

'I used to get ecstatic whenever I saw him. Now it's more like ecstatic cling.'

Alcohol 'Nector of the Gods' 'Devils Brew!'

Art Gallery View.

'Nobody takes you seriously? -- Are you trying to be funny?'

"Are you a man or a mouse?"

Really? A date with me is like a religious experience? How so? It reminds me of snake-handling.

'Let's use another form of birth control. I don't like the coil.'

"Oh, a guy paid me to take his place here."

"Father, I would like to go to confession with you!"

"My parents wanted me to join the priesthood, but I didn't think I'd have the stomach for that much controversy."

Rodin's Thinker.

"Hmmm... I've NEVER like Blue Oyster Cult..."

"Your call is important to us. Please hold for hours, howl obscenities, punch a hole in the wall and hang up."

"There you go again, trying to solve my problems. I'm not asking you to do that. I just need you to listen."

'I've often wondered how you social workers manage?'