Canned Food Connoisseur Gifts

"Well, that's the last of it, which means we just ate thirty years' worth of food in two weeks."

'You know, after a long hard winter, I just HATE eating out of cans.'

'What do you mean you're not hungry?'

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

One Man's Meat is Another Man's Poetry

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"Trail mix?"

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

Pet Entertainers

"Regular service or affected?"

Future Wrestler

'Can we get the corn that's already been chewed?!'

"I see you've discovered the heirloom Twinkies."

"Serves you right...snacking before dinner."

"Fresh-raked leaves?"

'Sticky nuts...' "Umm nice nuts but not as sticky as us buns!!"

"Now that's art!"

"If I had a restaurant, it would be called the Can and Microwave"

'Lovely soup, just like my mother used to open.'

'Ironically, sportswear is the most comfortable clothing for doing nothing in.'

"Haven't you got anything that hasn't been regurgitated?"

"One man's dirty water is another man's Earl Grey."

'Organically-grown popcorn? Give me a break!'

"When dad cooks dinner, it's hard to tell if he's opening cans for us or the cat."

"We're out of empanadas!"

"So, our holiday was cancelled but at least our tastebuds can still go to Italy."

"No thanks. I had a cracker in April."

"This place is slipping. The 'Chef's Surprise' looks more like a cook's confusion."

'The food's not too bad here. It tastes just like yours and just like yours, it also comes out of a can.'

"Do you want the rest of this mouse? It tastes gamey to me."

'No! Not rare, not medium, not well-done: I want my steak raw! Thank you...'