Canned Food Connoisseur Gifts

"Well, that's the last of it, which means we just ate thirty years' worth of food in two weeks."

'You know, after a long hard winter, I just HATE eating out of cans.'

'What do you mean you're not hungry?'

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

One Man's Meat is Another Man's Poetry

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

He acts all cool and feral until the can of food comes out. Jingle jingle jingle.

"Trail mix?"

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

The Official Covid-19 Diet

Pet Entertainers

Tidy it up for the open house, and it wouldn't hurt to put out some freshly regurgitated worms. For sale.

"Regular service or affected?"

Future Wrestler

'Can we get the corn that's already been chewed?!'

"Serves you right...snacking before dinner."

"I see you've discovered the heirloom Twinkies."

"Fresh-raked leaves?"

'Sticky nuts...' "Umm nice nuts but not as sticky as us buns!!"

'Popcorn? Sure. Would you like huge, mega, super-duper huge or gigundazillion multi multi really insanely huge?'

"If I had a restaurant, it would be called the Can and Microwave"

'Lovely soup, just like my mother used to open.'

"Now that's art!"

'Ironically, sportswear is the most comfortable clothing for doing nothing in.'

"We're out of empanadas!"

"This place is slipping. The 'Chef's Surprise' looks more like a cook's confusion."

Einstein tests his pasta-antipasto theory.

'Organically-grown popcorn? Give me a break!'

"Haven't you got anything that hasn't been regurgitated?"

"One man's dirty water is another man's Earl Grey."

"No thanks. I had a cracker in April."

'The food's not too bad here. It tastes just like yours and just like yours, it also comes out of a can.'

"Do you want the rest of this mouse? It tastes gamey to me."